Stet by Ria Bacon

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Milk


“Nobody,”
She whimpered,
“Could call me
A fussy girl;
I only want
A little bit
Of muesli
And some milk!”*

*Apologies to A.A. Milne.

Tetrapak stamp from RussiaYes, just some milk from a carton. Without first having to shred the paper off layer by layer, saw through the seal with a serrated knife, tilt the carton sideways to avoid an uncontrollable splash and then dribble more drops over my hands when I try to close the now ripped and jagged spout.

Man on the moon, human genome, inter-super highway netweb … and I can’t just pour some milk on my muesli? Who’s responsible? Step forward Ruben Rausing, founder of Tetrapak, the most profitable Swedish company after ABBA. Tetrapak’s products are everywhere in Europe (and in North America?) and come with an impressive variety of openings. To find out more about how to open my morning milk carton, I visited the company website and compiled this list of their openings:
  • Straw hole
  • Perforation TB
  • FlexiCap TB
  • DIMC ScrewCap
  • PullTab
  • StreamCap
  • Easy Opening
  • FlexiCap
  • ReCap3
  • SlimCap
  • Neck24
  • FlipCap Barrier
  • TwistCap Barrier
  • DeltaCap
  • FlipClip


Go on. Guess which one I’m looking for.
.
.
.
.
.

Of course, it’s the Easy Opening.

Artist's impression“Need we say more about this classic? Just split the top side seal and it folds back without fuss. Its perfect functionality has been proven billions of times.”




Just?

Without fuss?

Perfect functionality?

Prove it, baby, one more time!


[Quick fade to Stephan Eicher]
Et elle prend son café en riant
Et me regarde à peine
Plus rien ne la surprend sur la nature humaine
C'est pourquoi elle voudrait enfin si je le permets
Déjeuner en paix, déjeuner en paix