Stet by Ria Bacon

Friday, May 20, 2005

Zap mama

It probably started in the playground. My daughter picked up that there were "cartoons on the television at six o'clock". We have a TV but only use it to watch tapes and DVDs. When her brother joined in the chant, "cartoons at six o'clock! Cartoons at six o'clock!" and they both started hanging on my legs like limpets, I gave in and got the cable for the aerial connection.

We've done this before: got excited that we might see something new only to be frustrated after ten minutes of zapping without finding anything of the slightest interest. The picture quality is crap too - only about five of the 30-odd channels are clear enough to watch without squinting through the snow.

Now it's well known that Italian television is really bad, with Z-list Italian celebs singing karaoke while busty showgirls pout and twirl. You know that and you don't need to see it again.

No, you don't.
(And if you came here after googling "busty+showgirls", you should look elsewhere.)

What you need to see is the really really bad stuff. So sit back and relax ...

... with the carpet channel.

TV - carpets
I love the way the camera pans ever so slowly across the casually strewn carpets, before gently zooming in to show the tassle details or a delicate bounding goat motif. You have to turn the sound down, though, because Carpet Man never stops talking. Actually, there is a voice off screen that leads him on when he seems to be losing the thread: "So this one also has a super 50 plus 10 percent discount, is that right?" "Yes! Yes!" replies the Carpet Man with renewed vigour.

Of course, if you watch long enough, your critical faculties may become so numbed that you might want to buy a carpet.

ZAP!!!

No fear of a compulsive purchase here ...

TV - Fun Stepper
The new and exciting feature of the Fun Stepper is its unique oblique foot-and-ankle double workout! Which is good ... because ... my ankles are fat?

Note that your legs also have a better tan with the super Fun Stepper.

ZAP!!!

TV - art
Art! It's hideous but there's a 40 percent discount!!

ZAP!!!

TV - tarot (1)
Laura holds the future in her tarot cards. Calls cost € 1.86 per minute only. Maximum forty minutes (€74.40 ! [convert]).

One thing you can be sure about is that Laura will deal out those cards niiice and sloooww.

TV - tarot (2)
"I see you will have some significant expenses in the near future ... O Dio! Is that forty minutes already?"

ZAP!!!

TV - Gli Osbourne
AAAAAAGGHHHH!!!
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.
.
.
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Meanwhile, out on the balcony ...

Piramide at night